What Is Resiliency?
Author: Stephanie Camins – MA, LPC
Resilience is referred to often in emotional wellness circles but typically without adequately describing the importance of having or attaining this quality. Any challenging life circumstance that creates a flood of emotion and a perceived loss of control can challenge our ability to cope. Resilience is the human ability to rebuild or come back from difficult situations.
We all cope in some way to extraordinary life events. The positive psychology movement has long focused on the skills people use to navigate major life events. Sometimes negative events such as loss and sometimes positive events such as marriage or a promotion can challenge our ability to cope.
What’s the point of this movement? Why is this important?
The answer lies in the extraordinary number of people who cope in self-destructive ways, ruining relationships and sabotaging anything good in their lives.
Resilience theory states that we all have the ability to cultivate these positive characteristics and traits. Building resilience is a skill set involving thoughts, behaviors and actions which can be learned. It is an important component of PTSD Recovery, as well as, recovering from depression and anxiety. With these skills in place you not only manage the distress caused by PTSD or other major life events, but also inoculate yourself from the adverse effects of negative life events in the future.
Want to change your relationship but don’t know where to start? Read my review of the Marriage Fitness program here.
Resilient People Display the Ability to:
- set and move toward realistic goals
- have an ability to look long term
- accept change as part of life
- engage in active decision making
- engage in self-discovery
- communicate and problem solve
- actively learn new things
- have an optimistic outlook
- have a realistic perspective of themselves and the world around them
- accept and manage the presence of strong feelings
- be flexible
- have a positive view of self
- actively engage in self-care
- build connections with others 2.
As you begin your journey down this road to resilience, focus on your own strengths. Remember what has worked well for you in the past. Who did you reach out to? What activities did you incorporate to reduce stress and anxiety? How have you overcome obstacles in the past? What gave you hope and purpose? Use the list below to develop and execute your own personal plan. The Road Map to Resilience is a task list to increase resiliency. Take your time focusing on each step. It will be helpful as you move through this process to create a journal to keep track of your emotions, thoughts and the actions you take.
Road Map to Resilience – A 12 Step Plan
1. Develop Caring and supportive relationships that are filled with love, trust, encouragement and reassurance.
2. Manage your feelings You will feel strong emotions. Give yourself space to feel them.You can regulate emotions by focusing on positive emotions, such as, hope, courage, and happiness and decreasing the focus on negative emotions, such as anxiety, depression, frustration, anger, and resentment. To decrease these uncomfortable emotions, it’s important to remember to give yourself permission to feel these feelings, get support when needed and t
hen shift your focus. Denying feelings only intensifies your reaction. Feel and release is a good rule of thumb here.
3. Build on your strengths Remember to celebrate small achievements.
4. Have positive expectations and expect things to turn out for the best. Visualize what you want rather than focusing on a negative outlook. Reframe negatives to positives, look for the silver lining in situations, others and yourself. Difficult life events happen. What lessons can you learn from adversity? How can you help others in a similar circumstance?
5. Practice positive self-talk rather than engaging in self-sabotaging thoughts.
6. Engage in activities which increase self-confidence including hobbies, personal development and work projects. Do what you love, what you’re good at and take action daily.
7. Increase positive physical behaviors such as exercise, healthy eating, and good sleep habits. Develop regular routines.
8. Create meaning and purpose
Find yourself battling over the smallest issues which only lead to even bigger issues? Read my firsthand review of the Marriage Fitness program here.
9. Set SMART goals to increase and enhance your sense of self-control, mastery and competence, break tasks down to achievable parts, prepare and plan for setbacks, commit to hard work. Identify one thing you can accomplish today in the direction of your goal.
10. Be flexible. Create a list of alternative thoughts, feelings and actions by looking at things from different or opposing perspectives. You may need to shift your goals or direction in your life as a result of events that arise in life. Focus on the road in front of you, and adapt.
11. Create a social support system Seek and accept help, access community resources, volunteer in your community, work toward positive communication and problem solving with those around you, actively engage in a social network, share your feelings with someone you trust.
12. Forgive others and yourself
Following this road map, you will be able to identify not only your own personal map but also what your roadblocks are. This process involves deep emotional work and may require the assistance of a professional counselor. Life is a journey! Embrace your strengths!