Deepening Connection With Your Partner
Author: Alexa Ashworth – MFTC
A theme that continues to stay with me throughout the past couple of months as I tend to my own relationship with my partner and continue to work with others is, “creating intentional sacred spaces”. We live our lives busied with and surrounded by noise. Whether we want to live in this noise or not it becomes almost inescapable at times. One could say we form a closer relationship to the noise around us than the person we love most.
The one question that stays with me as I explore ways in which people continue to invite intimate moments in their relationship is, “How do two people intentionally join together out of the noise?”. I believe the intentionality has been removed from most relationships and this has been replaced with expectations for how each person shows up for the other. Most of the time these expectations are created within the silence of our personal needs. This is why coming together without any distractions is so important for a relationship to thrive so our silent thoughts can be expressed and we can tune into our partner’s world for a bit.
You may ask yourself right now, “Do I consistently make time to intentionally connect with my loved one?”, “Are we intentional about our time spent together or is our time spent filling the void with things that aren’t focused on us?” Even if you are someone that invites intentional moments with your partner, these are still great questions to check in with yourself to acknowledge how long it has been since having a more focused, intimate conversation about where you both are at right now in life.
As we continue to tune into the noise, we tune out of our relationship with our partner. So how can we start tuning into our relational needs and get creative to invite a deeper knowing of one another? It is in this knowing of the other where we experience a more soulful connection with our partner and this reminds us why we choose this person every day. And more importantly, when we choose to actively participate with our partner, we are choosing to more intimately experience life together.
Here are ways to purposefully create a shared sacred space so the relationship can start to flourish in a new, exciting way. The space is intended for you both to be seen and heard for who you really are.
- Drive or walk to a place where you are both surrounded by nature and find a place to sit to take in the wonders and beauty of life. Intentionally place yourselves away from busy places, so each other is the main focus.
- Find a couple’s meditation video on YouTube to unwind and place your focus on the present moment together. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMDz38AhaVk
- Start an evening ritual by simply reading to one another for thirty minutes before bed and share new insights gained.
- Something my partner and I started is lighting a candle before we eat dinner and say what we want to “lay to rest” for the day, burning away any stress or worries. As we have done this, it also allows space to apologize for any negative reactions or faults done by the other. We then follow this by what we are grateful for in the moment and blow the candle out together.
- In the mornings you may set time aside before leaving to go to work to embrace your loved one and kiss them before you both start our day. Or if you are the one to get up earlier you may leave a sweet note next to their coffee or tea cup for them to read.
- You may also set time aside in the evenings to give one another a message and listen to calming music. Many articles suggest “pillow gazing”, staring into one another’s eyes for a few minutes. This could be a nice way to end a message or even a deep conversation had before bed.
These are only a handful of suggestions for how to start thinking about your own intended space with your partner. As stated in an article by Phil and Maude, “what you do is not as important as doing something regularly together”. It may take some time to adjust to this new space and that is okay. Be patient with yourself and one another as you both adjust mindsets to create this space. Over time it will become something you each look forward to; a celebration of togetherness. Maybe the next meal you both have together sit down and talk about different ways you each could create a sacred space within the upcoming week. After expressing different ideas about what this space could look like then discuss what this space would mean to both of you.
Here are links to more ideas as you explore what suites your relationship best: